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27 April 2012 (The day after)

April 27, 2012

Growing up, my childhood was dotted with events that were anticipated for days, sometimes even weeks. Birthday parties, unndoukais (a sport day in Japanese schools with all kinds of races, games, and performances), school trips, slumber parties, a trip to the amusement park. Sometimes the day felt like it was never, ever going to arrive. And when it was finally just one more night to go, not being able to fall asleep, my heart beating hard in my chest. Praying, praying, for good weather.

I can’t recall how I felt after those events when I was very young, but the older I grew, the more difficult those days became. I can still remember how heavy my heart felt after big school events when I was in high school. Maybe it was because as I grew older the more involved I became in the events. Whether it was the bunnkasai (culture fair) or the school-wide choir competition or the unndoukai, practices and preparations intensified along with group and individual clashes, obstacles to overcome, sometimes resulting in small miracles. It was through these events that I learned the rewarding act of working hard towards something alongside others. The day after the big event, I remember feeling a bit like a deflated balloon, unable to fill the huge gap inside me.

Passing by the empty, silent amusement park in the kibbutz the day after Independence Day flooded me with these memories. I wonder if there are children who are a bit heartbroken or mourning over the passing of the holiday? Just 364 more days until next year, guys.

Have a splendid weekend my friends.

子供の頃何日も前から、時には何週間も前から、楽しみに待っていた行事がありました。
友達のお誕生日会、運動会、遠足、お泊まり会、遊園地への旅、、、
その日がとてつもなく遠く感じたり、
やっと前夜になったら眠れなかったり。
曇り空をみながらてるてる坊主さんにひたすらいい天気をお願いしたり。

小さい頃はこのような日の翌日どんな心境だったかは思い出せませんが、
大人になればなるほどすごい辛かったのを覚えています。
高校生の時学校の大きな行事の翌日、何もする気力がなかった。
これは行事への関わりが年とともに濃くなっていったからかもしれません。
文化祭、全校クラス別合唱コンクール、運動会、、、
行事が近づくにつれ練習や準備がどんどん大変になり、
クラス内で亀裂が起きたり、色んな問題が出て来たり。
でもそれがたまに小さな奇跡につながったり。
大変だけど、好きでも好きじゃない人とも、みんなで一体となって何かを造り上げる、
そのやりがいを初めて知った行事。
だからなおさら、次の日は空気が抜かれた風船のような気分で、
心の中にぽっかり穴があいたようでした。

今日独立記念日翌日のがらりと静まったキブツの臨時遊園地を通りかかった時、
こんな思い出がよみがえりました。
記念日が去ってしまって悲しい気持ちになっている子供はいるのかな〜、なんて思ってみたり。
あとたったの364日だよ! 笑

素晴らしい週末を☆

Much love,
Kaori

4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 14, 2012 1:25 am

    these photos look like they were taken with a holga or Diana f+ or a Lomo something! I have a Fuji Film instax… but I never know what the pics will look like😦

    • May 14, 2012 7:26 pm

      I used the “Toy Camera” setting on my Ricoh CX5 for these. I’ve actually wanted a Polaroid camera for a while now but for now I’ll enjoy the setting on my camera! I’ve heard good things about the Fuji camera. The surprise is part of the fun, no?🙂

      • May 15, 2012 3:02 pm

        I think that’s what I don’t like about it. Being surprised with my underexposed pics (cos’ the lens is set at like constant f16!), or poorly composed pics (cos’ the view finder is so far from the actual lens!)…
        And I always want my pics to look beautiful and retro, so it’s hard. I discovered that I could get a plastic Diana camera with an Instax back. That would mean I could basically get an instant camera with interchangeable lenses (I think they have 2 or 3 aperture settings, so I could get more light). And cos’ there’s a “B” (bulb) mode, I could leave the shutter open long enough to expose a picture properly. That would be more fun to me🙂

      • May 15, 2012 6:23 pm

        I can see how the “surprise” won’t be such a pleasure for perfectionists or someone like you who seem to really know the technical nitty gritty of photography. I on the other hand can’t seem to get the technical stuff no matter how hard I try! So I’m better with surprises.
        If you do get the Diana, I hope it’s a satisfying camera for you🙂

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